The first thing you have to do before finding a soul mate is know what a soul mate is, and more importantly what a soul mate is not. It is only when you understand and know what you want in a soul mate that they will most likely be attracted into your life.
Now I have to speak in general terms since everyone is unique and has different, individual needs. However, I truly believe each of us has a complement. The laws of the universe dictate their must be an equal and opposite to everything…no left, without a right…no up, without a down…no you, without your soul mate.
But what is a compliment?
A vintage wine and savory meal may be fine when consumed separately…but put the two together and now you have something unique. Something you would not have if they stood alone. However, in this example are the wine and meal equals? Is it better to have one over the other? Your answer would most likely be…it depends. And so it is in a soul mate relationship as well.
Many times I see couples struggle because they feel their mate is not an equal, or they may not pull “their share” of the load in some situations–most often financially. However, you can always see their face light up when I ask them if their mate does something special for them that no one else has ever done. That is the reason they are together in the first place. Again it is that focus on the negative that only pollutes their whole perspective. We are multi-dimensional creatures and our complement may fit areas that we are weak in.
Most importantly, look for a positive uniqueness in a soul mate. Something that only you two would enjoy and understand. The more unique the connection, I believe the stronger the bond. That bond may even grow stronger with children since they are the most unique result of any relationship. However, there must be a firm foundation to build on…as you travel life’s journey with your soul mate there will be ups and downs. This foundation needs to be strong enough to survive.
Which leads me to what a soul mate is not. A soul mate is not a person who always make you feel comfortable. To the contrary, they should positively motivate you to move outside your comfort zone and vice versa. You cannot grow as a person if you are always comfortable. It is these ups and downs that should strengthen your bond with your mate, not endanger them. For example, the number one argument with couples is usually about money. Why argue over and over when you can both work together to form an understanding and both grow. This will also add to your foundation and hopefully be passed on to your children so they will not struggle as much as you did. Too often couples just want the argument to end, so they ignore the underlying reasons for why it started in the first place…a problem ignored is still a problem.
Most importantly, having a soul mate is really all about commitment. There will be ups and downs. The downs are just opportunities to make your connection stronger. To learn and grow from experience. However, without commitment it is far too easy to just quit.
I am a firm believer there are no such thing as coincidences and everyone that comes into your life is there for a reason. That reason being you and how you think. It is your mission to understand why those people are there at that time and to choose if there presence is what want you want throughout your journey. That is why I think dating is so important. It allows you to see what you want in a mate and more importantly what you don’t want. Are you seeing a pattern in the people you are attracting that you don’t like? You have to change what it is within you that is attracting them in the first place. It has nothing to do with your appearance….I would bet that will change as soon as you change your thoughts.
Be sure to read Finding Your Soul Mate as well.
Published by admin April 19th, 2006 in Happiness Tags: No Tags.
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Great post! It’s very true what you said in the last paragraph -
“Are you seeing a pattern in the people you are attracting that you don’t like? You have to change what it is within you that is attracting them in the first place.”
People know this but don’t really understand and aren’t often aware of how to change these patterns. Often it can also be their reactions to another soul that often cause the same result too.
As a possible suggestion for your next post, it might be worth talking a bit about how to break that cycle.
Great post though and I love your writing!
Thanks for the comments. The first step in breaking the cycle is recognizing it happening to you in the first place. All too often people blame others. Although the other person may have committed the actual offense, we allowed those people to be in our lives on their terms.
There are so many individual issues that are in play it is hard of me to generalize a solution for everyone. Most often it revolves around your family and friends since they factor heavily in what you “think” love and being in a relationship is all about. Again if your perception is broken, you will constantly be drawn into these scenarios.
What we have to do is look for the patterns because they will be there and become experts at recognizing why we attracted those types of people in the first place. Do you find yourself in relationships where you may be taken advantage of? People use you and walk all over you? How is your self confidence? Many times lack of self confidence will attract these “predators” who then feed off your inability to stand up for your self. It really is about balance. Because you may lack self confidence, you will always attract people that have an over abundance of it. Build your self confidence and you will find that these people will never bother you again. If they cannot take advantage of you any longer, they will move on to people that they can.
Do you have a tendency of meeting people that turn out to be unfaithful? Did you come from a home where either one of your parents was unfaithful or maybe you felt ignored or unloved by a parent? Sometimes when this happens we over compensate by over trusting and ignoring warning signs. Believe it or not, you built a coping mechanism to continue to love people that had hurt you. Again ignoring a problem is not solving it. To solve this, you need to learn the lesson and truly forgive the person who hurt you. Resentment and anger are just a sign that you did not learn from the event…how can be mad at a teacher or savior?
I like to think of it as learning to ride a bike. You only fall off and get hurt when you have not master it. Do not get frustrated. Think of the joy you will have once you have mastered it. Think of the joy you can bring to others teaching them your lessons. Knowledge and experience always take you to a higher level than if you did not have them. Life is not about the destination…it is all about how you got there. For every person that is unique.
Some great points there Kris. A lot to think about!